[frusterated]

lately i am beginning to wonder if true love is real. on movies it sure sounds great. it looks great too like in the notebook. every girl wants her own noah. someone that loves you no matter what and will do anything for you. but maybe real love is not for everyone. i have gave up.

guys are jerks. all the guys that like me do not really like me. they just want sex. and that is just not who i am. and i mean i do not act like a slut or dress like one or hang out at the clubs. but somehow all the wrong guys find me. at first they are all so nice. like they actually care about you. but that does not last for long. i know that there are good guys out there. but obviously none of them like me.

love just must not be for me. i am starting to come to terms with it. it is still sad. all that makes me happy anymore is my breyers ice cream. lol. i just want to be happy. it is not just guys. it is everything. everything just seems to be wrong. it feels like my past is catching up to me and slowly repeating itself. i am just scared that i am gonna end up like i used to be. it is hard. i look so put together on the outside. but on the inside it feels like i am falling part.

i just feel sad. i do not hate myself. but i just can not stand myself. i shouldn't even be writing any of this. i sound like some emo kid. i do not want to have to rely on anyone because i always end up getting hurt. i am tired of being vulnerable. so i have to deal with everything by myself. and i just don't know how. i mean i don't do drugs or drink. but yeah... i have just gotten myself in a mess. i know in the end it is all gonna be okay. but it just sucks now.

[g.a.g.]

funny picture.

my name is kerry and i am a servant of the Lord. this is exactly how i started the sermon out. what does this mean? it means that i have laid my life down to the only one who is worthy. that i will follow his teachings until i die. i do not need to drink to have fun. i do not to have sex to feel loved. i will not make other people feel bad about themselves. i may choose to surround myself with christian friends but i am always looking for the moment to plant the seed. this world may tell me i am not good enough but to God i will always be. being christians means that we follow christ. so we need to stop following everyone and everything else. stop living for earthly things. being a christian separates us. so it is our job to show the rest of the world that. because it is by God we have been given eternal life.